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TIME & ETERNITY

Our "High School Musical Ready" Pose. Total inside joke from when we were in high school!

Our "High School Musical Ready" Pose. Total inside joke from when we were in high school!

SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2016

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: Roxana Baker | Instagram
Hair by: Kayloni at Mandie Sue Salon
Makeup by me
Dress: Here | Chris' Suit: Here | Leo's Suit: Here

My family is Eternal!
I am not one to talk much about religion. Not because I am ashamed or anything like that. I am LDS (AKA Mormon) and I am proud to be. However, I believe that religion is an extremely personal subject. But on such a special occasion like our Temple Marriage, how could I not share?!

Chris & I were Civilly Married on the Provo Orchard grounds on August 14th, 2015. A year later with our son, we went to the LDS Temple where we had a "Celestial Marriage", a ceremony we refer to as a Sealing. Through this ceremony, we believe that we can be together after this lifetime for Time & Eternity!

Oh you guys, we waited to be sealed in the Temple for a whole year! Actually, we waited longer! As some of you know, I was married once before and the process of getting a Temple Marriage annulled was a very lengthy one! But we made it and we did it!!!! 

Our Temple day couldn't have gone more perfect! As they were sealing Chris & I, my heart was racing and I was just so excited! I couldn't believe that I was getting sealed to the man I had been dreaming of for so long! To top it off, once they brought in our son to get sealed to us, all dressed in white looking like a true prince, I lost it! And as they say, there were no dry-eyes in the room. It was truly such a special moment.

Leo was 2 months at the time and he slept through the whole thing, but he sure made this moment feel so so unreal! Many people suggested we get sealed while we were pregnant and before Leo arrived but I wanted Leo physically present in the room with us and I am so so glad we waited for him! 

I absolutely love the Teachings of the LDS Church! I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be or ever be. I have made my long and deep share of mistakes, and I know that I will make more mistakes in this life. However, I know that Heavenly Father loves all of us and through His Atonement, we can be forgiven and start new. Life is not perfect, nor is it meant to be, but striving to Be Like Christ has brought knowledge, comfort, and happiness to me.

You can learn more about Mormons and The Teachings of the LDS Church HERE

PS: HUGE shout out to Roxana Baker Photography. Our usual photographer, Who shall remain nameless because she is still amazing, had to run out of town! I stalk Roxana's Photography and I asked her about a week before and she came and delivered!!!! She was a dream to work with and so fun! And a HUGE shout out to Kayloni at Mandie Sue Salon. This awesome girl worked on my hair for hours and made it look so dreamy. And even though the wind was crazy that day and it even started to rain a bit, my hair cooperated! Great girls to work with!

 

POSTPARTUM DIARIES

[5 Weeks Postpartum]

 

Hi!
So i've thought about what to write for this post longggggg and hardddd. To this day this is one of the hardest and most intimate posts I have ever written. Before we get into the deets, I need to give my husband a shout out. I don't know if you can tell, but at the beginning of the photo shoot I'm pretty tense. Then towards the end it, it gets more fun. I was so nervous about photographing my PP body but boy did my hubs cheer me on and made me laugh!


Today I want to open up about two tricky subjects! Weight and PPD!

First, The Weight

I am currently 6 weeks PP. 
Before pregnancy, I weighed somewhere between about 109 lbs. The last week of pregnancy (Week 39) I weighed 156 lbs.  During my postpartum stay at the hospital, I went up to 162 lbs because of a weeks worth of IV fluids.  So I gained a total of 44-51 lbs! I am currently weighing 131 lbs. 


Why am I talking about weight?
After THIS post and THIS post on Instagram, I received lots of sweet compliments and how great I was already looking after having a baby. Ironically this made me feel a little bad. Not because of the compliments --Those are always nice! But because I felt like I wasn't being honest and was scared that anyone going through what I was going through would be just as hard on themselves behind closed doors. I want to clarify that in those pictures, I am wearing a waist trainer underwear and it definitely helps that my Agnes & Dora leggings are form-fitting and tucking my PP bump.

I know what it feels like to feel like a stranger inside your body! I cried everyday during our week-long stay at the hospital when it was shower time! I would just stand naked in front of the mirror and wondered how I was going to get my body back! I would love to take the high road and say how I don't care that I gained weight and that my new found curves make me feel more like a woman. Nope. Weight has been a contributing factor to my PPD and If you feel this way, you are not alone!

Second, PostPartum Depression

Everyone tells you that the beginning of motherhood is hard and it's an adjustment but that you JUST LOVE being a mom either way ! I did not feel like that right away. In fact, no one said just how HARD it was going to be at the beginning of it all.  I wish someone would've talked more about the hard part so that I didn't feel crazy or like a bad person and a bad mom.

I'll cut to the chase. I did not feel like hurting  my baby. However, I did feel like...
...I had zero routine which drove me insane.  Nothing went as planned. 
...I did not feel that magical connection I felt with my baby when we were at the Hospital.
...I felt like I was not cut out to be a mom.
...Leo was better off with a different family.
...I wanted to disappear and hide from the world.
...I was scared of anything and everything.
...I felt like I was a crazy person in a white room with no windows or doors.
...I LOATHED my body!
...I felt like I was not in my own body because of pain, weight, and recovery.
...And though my husband is not just help, but a great dad and super supportive, I felt alone.  

...Lastly, there was times I thought about jumping infront of a moving car because I felt like I wasn't good enough to be a mom or a wife and that I was going crazy.  

Then, I felt guilt because of all of the feelings mentioned above. Isn't this what I wanted? To be a mom? I struggled with infertility for years because of endometriosis. How dare I feel anything but grateful. All of these feelings went on for the first weeks of being home from the hospital. The crying continued everyday (EVERYDAY) for weeks! How did Chris not leave me? 

I know that the way my labor & delivery went down probably put me at a bad start. I labored for almost 30 hours + plus had an unexpected and very unwanted C-Section + plus 2 panic attacks + plus a major cold afterwards (Read about my labor HERE). On top of that, once we got home, I got a UTI and Mastitis TWICE. Add a colic-acid-reflux newborn baby to the mix.....We barely got sleep! 

At times I felt so overwhelmed that I would forget to eat. I used to make fun of moms that would say that! Like..... HOW do you forget to eat? It's true! You do! Serves me right! So naturally because of the lack of eating, I lost 24 pounds in two weeks! Loosing weight this fast affects your hormones. Correction, It attacks your hormones! Those were the worst weeks of my life. 

We are living proof that lack of sleep and lack of eating makes you crazy. I have found my phone in odd places like the laundry hamper, the pantry, and my favorite... the dishwasher! And Chris has come back from work and left our car running for 8+ hours! Now I know how parents accidentally leave their babies in the car! THE STRUGGLE IS REAL BABY! 

Besides my physical hardship, my mental state was not okay. I started experiencing depression, my anxiety was getting worse, and my OCD was out of control! I felt really scared to talk to anyone about this, specially because in my culture, (Venezuela), depression, anxiety, and OCD are all things that aren't in the realm of possibilities unless you're psycho-killer-crazy. 

The worst was getting asked; "Don't you just love being a mom?" "Yes!" But no. How can I explain?! I never not loved Leo. From the minute our little boy came into this world, I have been obsessed with him and have loved and adored him. But no, I did not LOVE being a mom the at first. Cue the guilt. And when I explained my experience, I would get the typical follow up question "But wasn't he so worth it?"..... My son is worth more than you will EVER know but NO I would not want to go through our horrible labor experience and those crazy weeks ever again. Baby Romrell #2 has been postponed for Summer 2026.

Hating my labor and my new mom experience had nothing to do with my love for my son but it seems like a lot of people didn't know how to separate the two.  This just made me resent myself even more. 

Things To Know

  • Postpartum can start as soon as pregnancy!!!! Like before you give birth!
  • Reality of being a mom will most likely not kick in until you leave the hospital and are no longer surrounded by the help of doctors and nurses around the clock.
  • If you feel PPD after 8 weeks, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have chronic depression, it could just mean that you still have a hormone imbalance.
  • PPD is more common than you think!

Conclusion, It DOES get better!

For those of you going through a similar experience to mine and reading this, I want to end this on a good note for you. It does get better!

My husband studied Psychology, so I like to think that he knows a thing or two. It really helped that he was educated on how the body and mind work, and it also helps when you are able to recognize that your emotions are heightened because of your hormones. That DOES NOT mean that what you're feeling is not real, nor that you are crazy, nor that your feelings shouldn't be validated because you're "hormonal". They are very real. Whether or not your feelings and behavior would be different without the extra hormones, what you are feeling now is real to you and that is okay! I know, you normally wouldn't be easily bugged, on edge, or cry-me-a-river super sensitive at all times. It's all because of your hormone imbalance due to giving birth and part of your body regulating itself after stocking up on so many hormones and many different kinds of hormones to help cook a baby. 

Mom life truly is so sweet! You may not feel like it right away and THAT IS 100% OKAY AND UNDERSTANDABLE. Don't let ANYONE tell you differently. I WILL punch them for you. It might take you weeks or even the whole first year! I can't say that my PPD has absolutely gone away but after getting help, I have started to feel a little bit more like my old self again and started to feel like we can all survive this. I feel like that beautiful connection with Leo back when we were the hospital has come back and growing bigger and stronger everyday! And little milestones like leaving the house for the first time on your own and with baby are things to be proud of all the way!

From here on out, we are new women. There is real empowerment to being a mom and you should own it. Don't let ANYONE make you feel inappropriate, inadequate, or wrong about your choices and your parenting style.  So long as your child is healthy and you are sane, that is ALL that matters. 

I am so grateful for such a loving husband who already surpassed my expectations of being a dad! I am thankful he educated himself on PPD before the baby came and has been supportive and understanding of my crazy. I am truly grateful for supportive friends who let me open up and not judge me, because this is vital to help you come out of that PPD cave. And I am eternally grateful  for all the love and help we have received from everyone through this new journey!
 

PS: You might find these three articles very helpful!

 

THANKFUL FOR: A BABY

 

W E ' R E    P R E G N A N T ! ! !


I have been trying to write this post for about two weeks and I have yet to find the words that describes how happy we are!!! This has been the best surprise we have received!!!
.....I'll start from the beginning!

HOW/WHEN DID WE FIND OUT?
We found out October 26th (5 WEEKS IN) !!! This has been the longest secret I have kept! 

We went into Urgent Care really late at night because, heavens I had been feeling awful !!! I had skipped a period, but I was lightly spotting and having one of my crazy severe cramp episodes! I have severe endometriosis! So I thought my endometriosis was getting worse!!!

The Receptionist, the nurse, and the Doctor all asked me "Any chance your pregnant?"
 ....ME: "Nope"......"Are your sure?"......ME:"Yup"....."Could it be an infection".....ME:"Could be. It could be cancer, but it's not a baby"...."Well lets run some tests!"


Why didn't you think you could be pregnant? If you are new to my blog: Hi, my name is Kat and I was married once before, and we tried for years and years with no luck. Doctors said I would need lots of extra help to get pregnant! #SevereEndomitriosis

So the doctor comes back in with a high brow and a hand on the hip and said:
...."So..... You are pregnant!"

Chris & I were IN SHOCK to say the least!!!! We were silent for a good couple of awkward seconds and then we started laughing! Then I turned to him and started crying like crazy! Like there was no stopping me! And the doctor said "We hope this is good news"!!! ........Oh Doc! YES IT IS!!!

Guys, when I say I was in shock, I mean it literally! I felt like I was going to wake up from a really good dream and be severely crushed! And this feeling lasted all night! So when we left Urgent Care, we went straight to an Open Late pharmacy and bought another pregnancy test!  And here you have it....

I am 9 Weeks and the official due date is June 26th ! 

 Telling Family and Friends: This was the best part!!!! We surprised our parents by giving them a gift that had a note that said "Coming Soon" and a tiny onesie inside!!! My mom and sister's reaction was the best! They started bawling, they were so happy. They knew how long I've hoped for this. Then, with most of our friends (the ones we could catch), we typed up a one sentence letter saying "You are going to be an aunt/uncle" and hand delivered it to them! Their reactions were just so cute! We also FaceTimed a lot of people and told them via that way!!! Lots of sweet moments!!!

Guys..... We are going to be PARENTS!!!!

 

OUR WEDDING CEREMONY

 

AUGUST 14TH, 2015

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: Jessakae
DRESS DESIGNED BY: Reem Acra | REPLICATED BY: Somewhere in China
FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS: Rachel Romrell
WEDDING SIGN: Kim Hoffmann
LASHES: Sirene Lash
HAIR: Seasons Salon
CHRIS'S SUIT: Combatant Gentlemen
CAKE: COURTESY OFThe Cake Kids

 

You guys! Where should I begin?!
Our day was truly perfect! From beginning to end and every detail in between was amazing!

Getting Ready

We scheduled our wedding ceremony to start at 5pm! Which made the anticipation crazy! Forget butterflies, I had a parade in my stomach all day long!  However, I had the whole day to pamper and be pampered! I started with yummy breakfast with my family, then I went to get my nails done with my sisters, went to my hair appointment, went back home, started getting ready, and my mom did my makeup. It was perfect!

The Ceremony

My dad picked me up and drove me to the ceremony spot: The Provo Orchards! We were jamming to
ColdPlay on our way there and more specifically: Sky Full of Stars (the stars aligned for this moment).

We arrived at the Orchards! We lined up to walk down the isle and our song started:
Come Away With Me by Norah Jones Instrumental/Piano Version! Yup I walked down the Orchard isle to that song! We've always had a sweet spot for Norah. 

The only thing I wish I would have done differently was having Chris face his back to everyone until I got up there so that *I* could see his "First Look" Reaction but his face was still pretty priceless when I looked up!

We started at 5:30 and the ceremony was done by 5:45! When I said we wanted a very small, private, and short wedding... We were not kidding. We asked our bishop to go straight to marrying us and he did! It was the best! Seriously, no regrets!

Oh yeah.... our wedding arch tried to blow away, so our dads stood up and held it down throughout the rest of the ceremony. NBD!

Right after the ceremony & hugs, we started family pictures and then bridals. We were done by 7 and off to dinner!


The Wedding Dinner

We celebrated our wedding at La Jolla Grove, Provo Utah. It is one of my favorite restaurants so we booked one of their private dinning rooms. After dinner, Chris and I had our first dance right then and there. Our first dance was to Northern Wind by City & Colour.  

After our first dance, we had cake!!! We were so excited about this. We requested our awesome cake artist a white cake with raspberry frosting and Dulce De Leche filling! She said she couldn’t make any promises but that she would try her hardest and just surprise us either way! When we cut our cake, it had Dulce De Leche filling! I guess you can say, this was the equivalent of a Gender Reveal Cake to us !!! We were thrilled! And it was truly so delicious. Ugg I can still savor it.
.....It's the little things!!!

After cake, we were off to a weekend in Salt Lake to kick off our honeymoon before we left to St.Croix, Virgin Islands for A WHOLE 2 WEEKs!

 

More Girly Details...

Where did you get your dress?
Okay this was the craziest hunt! I found the picture of my dress on pinterest and it all started from there. All I had was the name of the photographer. I had to stalk the photographer to find out who the designer was. Once I found the designer, I browsed her website. I didn't see the dress so I emailed. The dress was limited and sold out.........! So I had it replicated by DHGate.com ...in CHINA! .....I know! Crazy risky and I heard all the many horror stories. Nonetheless this was the dress I wanted and it was still going to be a thousand times more affordable! And if it didn't work out as a wedding dress, it would have been a really cute photoshoot dress and I would have just taken a trip to my nearest David's Bridal!  

Anyways, I am a size 2 but I ordered a 4 just to be safe. When it arrived, it was just as I imagined it! It was beautiful and perfect but it fitted a tiny bit lose, so I got it altered! Ta-da!!! Got my dream dress!!!!! The best part:  my mom paid for my dress as my wedding gift! Cue tears <3  

Where did you get your flowers?
I got the flowers from The Flower Patch, Provo the day before! My awesome sister in law sat with me and helped put all-things-flowers together the night before.

I loved making our flowers! Because the wedding was going to be small & private, we were able to hire services for everything BUT I didn't want to feel disconnected from wedding planning and details so I decided that I wanted to make my bouquet. Rachel put together all other flowers, the wedding arch, and our paper flowers. That was all we wanted for decorations! I wanted the Orchard to be the real decor.

Where did you get Chris' ring?
I got his ring at Forge Jewelry. Terrible name. Amazing service. Even more amazing jewelry. His ring is a traditional band, comfort fit, yellow gold, with a gold brushed texture finish.

 

Thank you - Thank you for the love!
-The Newly Mr.&Mrs. RomRell